Today I Finally Said "I Do"

You guessed it. Today is finally the day. The day I hand my life over to another. I figured what better way to inform my family and friends of this momentous occasion then through my recently and always struggling blog. Everyone thought I would get it done while in Italy but I knew the timing was not right. I needed to wait until I felt it, and that day was today. We met over five years ago and I knew without a doubt that this was a love unlike any other. It was winter when my eyes met the most beautiful, glowing, perfectly rectangular piece of technology known to man. That is right, today I make true my love to none other than Steve Jobs.

I first met Steve at Christmas my Junior year of High School. (Can you believe it has been five and half years already, Steve?) I don't remember the clothes you were wearing, probably because I ripped them off like a senior prom date. After tearing through what felt like layers of wrapping I came to the holy grail. All that was left was one final maneuver and you were free, more than willing to be handled by my grizzly hands for the rest of time.

We have had our fair share of hard times, frustrating moments, hospital visits. Hell, we broke up over seven times...literally. Yet somehow, Steve, you got me to come back begging for you after each and every time. No matter the cost, you always came back more beautiful than I remembered you being previously. Although I didn't mind you originally, I must say I was pleasantly surprised by the way you got into shape and slimmed down for me while still allowing me more space and time. Or the time you came back to me, filled with color as though you'd spent our entire time apart basking in the sun. And even when I am short for cash, I love you enough to buy you knew clothes, give you baths, and even pay for your hair extensions (headphones...stretch?).

You might ask, "Soren. What made today THE day?" I'll tell you why. Today I finally found out about the application that was created solely for me. And I didn't even know that this generation of iPod had applications. We are talking about an application so brilliant, Stevie wouldn't dare tell anyone, not even his dearly beloved, yours truly.

Since summer vacation I have been in the mindset, when it comes to music, to let things play at as they will. So of course the best way to do so is use the "Random" feature. But my iPod Random is not like any normal iPod, it is genius random. We have all heard about the digital paintings that supposedly change to the mood of the person in the room. Well my iPod now has this same feature. Yes, it can gauge my mood and play the correct music accordingly.

Now maybe I should give Shure Headphones some credit. Maybe they teamed up with Steve to create some mind reading device that shoots into my brain through my ears, reads my mood and returns through the ear buds, down the cord and into my iPod (the funny part about this is, I doubt that technology is more than a year or two away). The application only was installed about a month ago and I didn't even realize it at the time. In fact, Steve kept it such a secret he let a feud between us linger for nearly a month before popping the question today. You see, I have been noticing several of the songs on my iPod skipping, like old shake your portable cd player skipping. At first I saw this as another sign of a breaking device. Naturally, I blamed it on overuse; possibly the shaking that occurs when I run with it.

It wasn't until today that I realized this was the application in full bloom. While I was out for my daily (ya right) run it occurred to me at mile 3, my half way point. The story however, starts from mile one. Now I don't need a pacesetter song to start, just one I enjoy. So sure enough, right off the bat I get "Fix You" by Coldplay (don't start with the "You know how I know your gay" jokes. They fit to well with this post). Certainly a slow song to start, but one I enjoy and that picks up in speed after a few minutes. Perfect way to start. Fast forward a bit. A song I have been obsessed with lately, not because I like the song or the artist, just because of one lyric. "Nemesis" by David Gray. Around the three minute mark he sings, "I am your one true love that sleeps with someone else". For some reason I find this to be so poetically beautiful I can even explain. Mile three, half way, struggling a bit. This is when it occurs to me.

Now with my new view on music listening, I am only skipping songs when they don't play correctly. So keep in mind that about half don't work right so I skip quite a few, several that I really enjoy. So right after I hit three miles and start to slow I skip ahead to the next working song and it is none other than, "Move Along" by The All American Rejects. I don't particularly enjoy the song, don't enjoy the band, but I realized that the timing was perfect. Like a movie scene perfect. Struggling protagonist gets sudden pick-me-up out of nowhere. Oscar worthy. And it is true, they have done studies that show how the right music corresponds to a faster running pace, better weight lifting abilities, etc. This is the exact moment it hit me. Fast forward to mile 5. As I am making my return run, "Take a Picture" by Filter. Awesome song. I didn't even realize it was on my iPod. What makes this incredibly perfect is the fact that when I really am struggling, I look the calmest. So I drumming to the song and they at several points the lyric "Awake On My Airplane" is sung. Of course I put my arms out and pretend like I am flying, it's the only way to push through. And of course two bikers would drive by at this exact moment and laugh. But what made it even more perfect was as soon as they sing "Could you take my picture? Cause I won't remember" I emerge from the woods into the brilliant rays of the sun. At that exact moment. No picture could capture it, but I will remember. Now mile six, last mile. "Hush" by L.L. Cool J. Terrible song. Terrible. But what it made me think of...awesome. Vegas baby. My sixth favorite city in the world. If you are wondering, we saw him there in January. Just thinking about that trip could get me another mile.

Finally, the end of mile six and my journey. As I walk up the driveway to Tawny's house and into it to find her, "99 Problems" by Jay-Z. I laughed. I have a ton of problems, but a bitch certainly is not one of them. Now I just hope she accepts that Steve Jobs is a part of our lives forever.


On a quick sidenote, while I was looking up World War II images for my internship I came across a cartoon comparing Steve Jobs to Hitler. If they are saying that Apple is attempting to take over the world, count me in, minus the whole genocide.

Work and the GRE

So for this post I will need to further explain my job. When anyone in the office makes a phone call it is recorded under the account of the person being called. So if I come across the account of a woman who owes $22.50 I can see everyone who has attempted to contact her, whether or not it was successful, what was said or if a simple voice mail was left. Each entry is time coded so people are not called too often. Since we make many phone calls and don't have time to fully type out conversations abbreviations are used. And not just for single words, but for entire sentences. The following is a list of my favorites.

GFFVP - Good for future value pays - This means that someone has given us a form of payment that they want used the next time our office receives a file on their account.

PUHU - Pickup, Hangup - For the several times that people pick up the phone only to immediately hang up because they know we are calling. This is usually followed by x2 or x3, etc., meaning how many times in a row it happened. My record is PUHUx5, meaning five straight times calling someone and them picking up, not speaking, and hanging up.

NWN - Not a working number - For the numbers that no longer are in service.

TTD - Talked to debtor - Obvious.

LMOR - Left message on recorder

Atty - Attorney - Yes, people either try to sue us or file bankruptcy, so this information is vital.

TPF/TPM - Third party female/male - When someone other than the debtor answers and takes a message.

LMTC - Left message to call - What you give to those TPF/TPM.

CB/WCB/IWCB/WCMB - Callback/Will call back/ I will call back/ Will call me back - Wow.

Even though several more are created every day, I will stop with these. Being that I do like to write and will be needing to write in my hopeful career, I try my best to not use these abbreviations and just type out full sentences. The best part is I never received a list of what these computer abbreviations meant, I was forced to figure them out for myself. In fact, after one month I can now decipher codes like Nicholas Cage. Sign me up for National Treasure 3. I would even be willing to bet that I can decode any abbreviation related to conversation. It's like our data entry system has turned into an AOL chat-type program. I have not been through my GRE study book yet, but if their is an abbreviated words section, IWD (I will dominate).

While on the subject of work, here are some statistics from my first month, don't mathematically to help me prepare for the Fifth Grade math section of the GRE.

On Average
300 accounts a day
x 2 numbers per account
= (a) 600 phone numbers dialed per day
x 13 digits per call (8, 8 in order to get a dial tone, 10 digit number and # to send) = 7800 phone buttons pressed a day not including the answer button when a rare phone call does come in.

(a) x 4 rings per call (averaging out for those who answer earlier, those who take longer and those who never answer
=2400 rings heard each day.

Since about 80% of calls end in a voice mail being heard
(a) x .8
= (b) 480 voice mails heard (rarely listened to)

Since about 90% of those voice mails don't have an actual greeting
(b) x .9
= 432 times hearing the basic "You have reached 3 2 0 2 8 2 5 0 5 8..." I used to think that voice was sexy.

Oh, and on average one can of pop purchased a day;
30 (days) x $.65 = $19.50 spent on caffeine.

At least now I can take one more career off my list, collections agent. So since I finally decided the NBA was out, the list now rounds out at a total of two.

FML, but TFR (thanks for reading).